We all have preferences. That’s the beauty of being human…at least I think it is. And while you may not believe you have developed preferences when it comes to certain proclivities of yours, well you have, and you can just look at your bedside or coffee table to prove it.
Personally, when it comes to smoking weed, I’m more a bowl man. I enjoy the heartiness bowls provide, like clam chowder for a winter supper. Recently, however, I’ve taken to vaporizers which have been doing the job just as–if not more–effectively. Let me know in the comment section what your top ten ways to smoke weed, and why. Maybe we can all find some common ground.
It’s hard to improve on a classic. Like oral sex, Jimi Hendrix or the original Degrassi Junior High some things are best left to the original. Take the joint for example. While creative spirits such as Tony Greenhand have taken the look of joints to new, bedazzled heights, its functionality and composition remain the same: you get some thin paper, you put some weed in it, you roll that shit up and you smoke it. The end.
Besides blunts, joints are some of the most ubiquitous tools in a stoner’s arsenal. You can buy rolling papers damn near anywhere tobacco products are sold, making them not only portable but highly accessible. And while they can often burn a lot of your weed if not rolled properly (especially on a windy day), a phat spliff is always the sure-fire way to get you gone.
BONG / DAB RIG
I love bongs. It really is one of way favorite ways to smoke weed. I like the feeling you get when you take a huge rip from a nice glass rig and it feels like you are one exhale away from having massive coronary heart failure. Or like that freaky, space creature from the movie Alien is about to burst from your chest in a plume of smoke and pink mist. Or like a quarter-sized hole is about to be burned into your neck and all the kids in the neighborhood are going to make fun of you because you sound like a GPS app. I like that feeling. I really do.
Bongs are similar to hookahs in that they cool the smoke before it’s inhaled through the mouthpiece. One big difference between bongs and hookahs is aesthetics, in that bongs are often much more elaborate.
Quick history lesson: The first documentation of a bong ever being used was in China during the 16th century. During this time it was a widely used method for smoking many herbs–including marijuana. In that era, bongs were only available in bamboo or metal and not in the glass or plastic form that’s so commonly used now.
Vaporizers, contrary to pot belief, are not only the portable little tanks you see Techies in Seattle and San Francisco toking on, they can also be as large, if not larger, than your average bong. One such vaporizer on the market is the Volcano, an intense behemoth that has been lauded as a stoner killer—meaning even you experienced smokers will be faded.
The Volcano comes with balloon bags or “volcano bags” that attach to the top of the device and are adjustable, allowing for the smoker to inhale as much, or as little, as they desire. You will find that with the Volcano a small amount of potent weed goes a long way. With just a push of a button, your volcano bag begins to fill up with a heavy, THC-rich smoke that gets you much, much higher than most vaporizers available on the market—hence the high cost of about $400.00.
You can also use handheld vapes like the Pax 3 which can vape everything from fluffy nugs to highly shatterable concentrates. Or the less costly G Pen Slim Vaporizer which lets you vape wax with way too much ease.
We’ve already discussed why you should know how to roll the perfect blunt, so I assume you’re rolling one as you read this, right? Swishers, Dutch Masters, Cigarillos, Backwoods, Garcia Vegas, White Owls–whatever brand you choose the blunt will make it taste a tad sweeter and, depending on your brand, make it burn a tad slower than a joint. Smoking a blunt is one of the best ways to smoke weed. They’re perfect for taking a toke or two, ashing out, and resuming the following day when you’re on your way to work. Not that we’d ever advocate getting high before work, because, you know, only losers use drugs and maintain gainful employment.
Put that beer can down, the smell of aluminum and burning weed can gag a maggot and you aren’t doing your lungs any justice by smoking out of a can. No, you are much more health-conscious than that, aren’t you? (just nod and smile). Fruits such as an apple or banana are the perfect alternative to beer or soda cans when you need to smoke in a clutch. Not only that you can take care of those nagging munchies when you’re done smoking.
Make sure if the fruit you’re using is an apple it’s the Granny Smith or Red apple variety, as these produce less juice (and every weedhead knows marijuana hates juice). With a knife or the edge of your soul carve a bowl in the top of your apple where the stem is located, about 3/4 of the way down. Next, make a hole in the side of the apple where you wish to put your mouth. This hole should lead to the core of the apple (thereby making it a genuine pipe). Dry the “bowl” of your apple or line it with tin-foil, pack it with some organic greens and get all hippiefied with your bad self.
Pipes can be made of metal, they can be made of stone, wood or glass. Hell, sometimes they’re even made of quartz. My point is, pipes are like Madonna before she became irrelevant to millennials with 30-second attention spans, that is, they can change their look often. Another upside to pipes is that they get the job done quickly. No rolling anything up or playing herpes roulette with your endpiece as people typically don’t share pipes often. You don’t even have to break your weed apart before you stuff it in your piece, although I would still recommend doing so. Just pack your nug in a bowl and smoke away. You can easily buy an affordable pipe at your local head shop from between $5 and $15 dollars. So go get one now. Before they close.
Don’t have any money? No worries. You can make your own pipe with a few items lying around the house. But before we continue let me ask you this: Have ever heard the term “weedhead”? Yeah, you officially are one now.
Guess, what? You don’t have to char your lungs like a rack of baby back ribs to get high. While eating or ingesting weed takes longer for its effects to take hold, it gets you much higher and for much longer than smoking. Gone are the days of choking down stale pot brownies, you can now enjoy underground dinner parties where you partake of a cannabis-infused 15-course meal from world-renowned chefs. I can’t even imagine what cleaning the dishes is like afterward.
Back in college when a dime bag or a nickel bag had to last me an entire week, a One-Hitter was my go-to device when times were rough. I thought as I aged and came into more weed I would never need a one-hitter again, as interestingly enough, I probably smoke more now than what I did in college, so what would be the need?
Well, sometimes the need is weed, weed and discretion. Maybe the vaporizer ain’t charged, smoking a blunt or joint is out of the question and firing on a bowl would elicit waaay too much suspicion. But that little metal thing I’m smoking on, that looks like a cigarette, well that’s fine. I’ll just go right ahead and pretend to kill myself kindly.
These other methods aren’t ways to smoke weed, rather, ways to consume it. They aren’t as commonly used, but they are used, so it behooves me to mention them:
These products use concentrated extracts to penetrate your dermal layer and produce an intense and prolonged high–similar to an edible. Patches can typically last for up to 8 hours.
Drinks are the most common form of liquid edibles, and they often come as coffee, soft drinks, juice and teas.
Tinctures are liquids with a high concentration of activated cannabinoids. It typically only takes one or two drops under or on your tongue to do the job.
Sprays are similar to tinctures but come in, surprise, spray bottles. They’re usually mint, spearmint, etc. flavored to replicate a breath spray.
Hi, my name is Petey Wheatstraw. I’m an avid marijuana smoker, writer, devoted father and non-profit minion– not necessarily in that order. A Chicago native I’ve lived in the Bay Area since 1996.