What to Do When Your Kid(s) Catch you Smoking Weed

Let me just start off with this. Your kids already know you smoke weed. Don’t act surprised, you knew it all the time.

Depending on their age they may only subtlety comprehend that whenever mommy and daddy have to “go on a walk” or “go the bathroom together” (like what married couple does that, seriously?) they come back less heated or on edge as when they left–something in them changed. They might not know exactly what has produced this change, but goddamn it if they aren’t aware that your ass is acting and smelling funny.

When your kids are older, like one of mine is, it becomes a different story. I try my best to keep my mysticism to a limit, but, I know he knows because the weed I smoke is crazy potent and tends to permeate, but that’s another post for another day.

And even though I know he knows, it’s not like I sit up in my house and blow weed smoke in his face like he’s my cat. Usually, I don’t even smoke around my house. Usually. And this is where my sage-laced advice comes in.

See once in a while, I too get *gasp* lazy and don’t make it as far as my front porch when I go out for my nightly toke.  It’s always later in the evening when I know he’s in the throes of a video game session with some pimply-faced internet nazi and won’t be coming out of his room anytime soon. And he’s got no real reason to walk out the front door, right? So what could be the problem?

The problem was the other night when his momma told him to take out the trash, right after I had blown out a huge rip from my dank laden bowl.

What should a person even do in a situation like that?

A) Look away and pretend you are invisible. Like maybe your child will question his or her own sanity and second guess if they really saw you doing what they thought they saw you doing, or smell what they think they smell.

B) Drop to your knees and beg your kid not to ever tell their mother. Buy their next 15 video games if you have to, college tuition, whatever.

C) Just be real with them. Have the talk.

My reaction is not important (C), but I will say it’s time we start treating marijuana with much more candor when discussing it with our children. Not endorse its use or flaunt it, but merely be honest about our own intake. How many parents have you seen not even think twice about getting tipsy around their kids?

I too find myself guilty of hiding my weed intake from my children,  even though I feel I should be honest about it instead of slinking around like some plant inhaling derelict. Unfortunately growing up my parents were quite definitive about their dislike of weed. When they found I smoked things changed between us. I still harbor some guilt about this to this day, which makes me treat smoking weed as something to be ashamed about with them (when in reality it’s something quite wonderful).

 

“I feel weed makes me a better, calmer, more interactive parent, I ask my daughter more questions, have the patience to sit and teach her new things, go on long exploratory walks and spend longer playing with her than I would if I hadn’t been smoking, I feel it’s really bought us closer.” – Lucy, 25, Portsmouth, UK

“I find it helps me relate to my daughter on her level. I’m more playful and silly and I really enjoy playing dolls, or crazy dancing, or pretend scenarios, or exploring in the woods. It also slows me down and removes the constant goal-reaching aspect of sober adulthood. I don’t rush her around or constantly direct her, and instead I ease back and let her run the show.” – Shawn, 30, Springfield, Massachusetts, US

“Being high around my kids is wonderful. I have two kids, one is four-years-old, and another who is 9 months old. I can be a “tough” parent with the eldest If he doesn’t listen to me. I get frustrated with him over small things. But when I’m stoned, I tend to let small things slide, and punish the important stuff, a more tactical parent. Not only that, but I can “get on their level” more, appreciate their wonder at interesting things, and play with them for hours. It allows me to shrug off the workday stress and transform back into “fun, silly, daddy” rather than the snappy daddy who just needs to be left alone for a while after work.”– Dan, Lemington, UK

“I regret not smoking more when my daughter was little. Not every day, obviously, but at weekends. Whenever I did smoke I was much more aware of what she was saying to me, and much better able to go with the flow of the games we played. Marijuana seems to me to be a ‘total interest’ drug, which locates you in the here and now. I’m a relaxed person anyway, but there’s always an element of impatience and self preoccupation about un-stoned people, I find. I don’t smoke now BTW “– Paul Aberdeen, Scotland

“I have chronic anxiety problems and smoking [marijuana] really helps me to keep it under control. I’m therefore able to be a fun laid back mother. My son adores me and we laugh all day long.” – Matahina, 27, London, UK

“I rarely smoke when my son is awake, it’s always after he has gone to sleep. I would never smoke marijuana in front of him, and I hide my supplies out of his reach. On the rare occasions when I do smoke during the daytime, it is always minute amounts, and only when we do not have plans to drive anywhere, as I would never drive impaired.” – Anonymous, 31, Maine, US

“I don’t see anyone worried about drinking alcohol around their kids and it’s a much more dangerous and harmful drug. It has always been my opinion that [marijuana] has made me a better parent. It helps me shed all my frustrations and worries about what I have to do all day to earn a living and my worries about the state of the country we live in, helps me be myself around my kids, helps me relate to them on their level. My son is grown now and smoking a little pot together is and always will be a part of our relationship.” – Frank, 58, Asheville, North Carolina

“[Smoking pot] doesn’t make you a lesser parent. Choosing to be a lesser parent makes you that way.” – Jessica, 25, Spokane, Washington, US