Hey, Mon! Miss Cleo has traveled all the way back from the 1990s jus’ to give you a real, authentic rundown of your psychic wavelengths!
You got me, I’m no Miss Cleo. Unfortunately, she’s no longer with us and I’m just…me. But did you know that based on your zodiac sign you may benefit from ingesting certain types of cannabis strains over others? Well, you do mon! Check out this handy pot zodiac below and see what type of pot smoker you are, according to your zodiac sign!
AQUARIUS (JANUARY 21- FEBRUARY 18)
Deep thinkers and highly intelligent individuals who love helping others, Aquarians are the types of smokers who will sit and ponder the intricacies of streetlights. Find yourself out of weed? No worries, Aquarius has got your back and genuinely enjoys watching a smile cascade across your face when you crack open the big bag of weed they just gave you.
Aquarians look at the world as being full of possibilities. The same goes for smoking. With Aquarians, there is no “Netflix and chill”. They’ll likely smoke enough to feel pleasant while leaving themselves with the energy to embark on a four-hour-long urban hike. After that, more smoking and maybe a lively debate with their friend via Teams about the long-term environmental dangers of fracking.
Most Compatible Strain: NYC Diesel
Most Compatible Piece: One-Hitter
Most Compatible Smoking Partner(s): Aries, Gemini, Libra Sagittarius
Celebrity Stoner: Jennifer Aniston – February 11, 1969
PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 – MARCH 20)
Pisces are very compassionate and friendly people. If you smoke weed and are a Pisces there is a very good chance you are a hippie, hipster or a fan of Steely Dan, or you aspire to be bohemian or were bohemian at some point in your life, even if that life was a past life. You more than likely include words like “yeah”, “man” and “awesome” in every sentence and have a perma-grin stapled on your face.
Pisces can be wise, spiritual individuals, like the hash-smoking Sadhus or prayer-centric Rastafarian. Smoking can bring forth auspicious moments of clarity, insight and spiritual rebirth. Pisces can also get really, really stupid high and be that friend you stop hanging with because they just can’t handle their weed. They go both ways.
ARIES (MARCH 21 – APRIL 19)
Oh, Aries, you speed-freak you. With such an abundance of hyper-kinetic energy, you need the strongest weed possible. You’re in continual search for drama, so you speed through life with the competitive spirit of Pistol Pete Maravich. It’s only natural that you smoke so much you fall asleep, but that only happens after you’ve been running your mouth for hours on end.
You’re one of those smokers–like the motor-mouthed Gemini–people are amazed can smoke so much yet never shut the hell up. The difference is Gemini is batshit insane and you’ve got more sense than them, don’t you Aires?
Most Compatible Smoking Partner(s): Sagittarius, Gemini, Leo, Aquarius
Celebrity Stoner: Seth Rogen April 15, 1982
TAURUS (APRIL 20 – MAY 20)
“Powerful”, “reliable” and “stable” are some words people use to describe Taurus. Some others are “prude” “psychopath” and “Chris Brown”.
Taurans aren’t the best with their weed. They’re likely to bogart the blunt, spill the bong water, or spit in your mouth when they’re trying to give you a half-assed shotgun. If they can handle the initial effects of cannabis they will likely fall into a Kush coma within 30 minutes.
In fact, maybe you just shouldn’t smoke Taurus, maybe you should not smoke.
Most Compatible Strain: Ruderalis Indica
Most Compatible Piece: New York Joint (Circa 1971)
Most Compatible Smoking Partner(s): Cancer, Virgo, Pisces, Capricorn
Celebrity Stoner: Willie Nelson – April 29, 1933
GEMINI (MAY 21 – JUNE 21)
Gemini tend to be the high life of a marijuana session, as they are expressive, creative and quick-witted. They also are the idiots who will get sooo lit and talk sooo much shit that you want to bash their faces in.
However, when the smoke has cleared, you will find dear Gemini has meant no harm after all, and more than likely was simply charmed by your presence, trying to impress you and such. It’s just that Gemini does this with their impressive array of racist, sexist, homophobic and all-around crass witticisms.
Most Compatible Strain: Champagne Kush
Most Compatible Piece: Shotgun
Most Compatible Smoking Partner(s): Aires, Leo, Libra, Aquarius
Celebrity Stoner: Morgan Freeman – June 1, 1937
CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)
Do you consider yourself an empath? Have you ever considered parlaying that quality into an actual career, say in the field of social work, or therapeutic services?
Well, consume cannabis with Cancer and you’ll be fielding the most downtrodden phone calls and text messages and smoke signals at all hours as they go about processing their feelings with you. Cancers always have to process their feelings with you.
And good luck having fun smoking with Cancer. More than likely you’ll end up talking for hours about their childhood traumas or their latest bout of E Coli poisoning. All in all, Cancers can be some real Debbie Downers.
LEO (JULY 23 – AUGUST 23)
Considered royalty among the zodiac signs, Leo has a voracious appetite for marijuana and an ego to match. The fun-loving Leo will smoke and laugh and be silly with you, yet will be quick to turn on you if they don’t like something they just heard pour from your mouth.
Leo’s are really good for coming through in a clutch. Commonly known as being reliable and dependable, they’re the clean-cut 9 to 5 friend who comes through with a bag of weed no matter what and KNOWS not to overstay their welcome. They’re also that friend who gets prolifically high and has you involved with more run-ins with the police than you ever cared to have in one lifetime.
The thing is, Leo’s are such egomaniacs those encounters will most certainly be your fault.
VIRGO ( AUGUST 23 – SEPTEMBER 22)
The compassionate yet cautious Virgo is exactly the same with their cannabis intake– and more so as they age. They love a good toke, but will likely partake of cannabis in very measured doses, such as tiny nibbles on a Kiva chocolate edible or a light drag off their Bloom Farms vape pen.
Highly organized and attentive, Virgo is one of the best signs of the zodiac to work in the industry of cannabis horticulture, or cannabis distribution and sale. They are also highly critical of others. You know, that one person who always, ALWAYS, has an issue with something? Yeah, they’re probably a Virgo.
LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 – OCTOBER 22)
Libra are peace-loving, gracious and diplomatic individuals, which is why the ethereal effects of marijuana suit them accordingly. Alcohol, on the other hand, turns them into raging infidels prone to fits of violence and confrontation. And if you know Libra, they do not do confrontations well.
I personally like smoking with Libra because they never let things get too out of pocket. If they notice you’re laughing your ass off and speaking like you have a Swahili lisp, they’ll slow you down, pat you on the back of the hand, and softly tell you to pass the blunt. You see Libra needs balance and harmony, and your high-ass acting a fool will certainly throw that off.
Most Compatible Flower Strain: Laughing Buddha
Most Compatible Piece: Herbalizer
Most Compatible Smoking Partners: Gemini, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Celebrity Stoner: Snoop Dogg – October 20, 1971
SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 – NOVEMBER 21)
My kid is a Scorpio. Santana is his name. He’s just a few months over the age of 1 and he’s already taken to beating me when he’s frustrated. Just a minute ago he almost scattered my eyes because I was making fun of his head size.
Scorpio, you are brave, violent, loyal, and intense. Smoking weed with you is just the same. Screw all that peace and love crap, with Scorpio you might take some bong rips and go down to your local dojo for some good ole’ fashioned ass-kicking. And you know what, I’m all for that (just as long as you’re on my side).
Most Compatible Strain: Harlequin
Most Compatible Piece: Chillum
Most Compatible Smoking Partner: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Celebrity Stoner: Whoopi Goldberg – November 13, 1955 (age 60)
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius are the travelers of the zodiac, therefore you’re bound to have yourself an adventure whenever you burn one down or chew one up with them.
It might start off like any other normal weed session. Next thing you know Sagittarius has convinced you to take shotgun in a nondescript van parked under a viaduct and drive with them to Chinatown to sell what you think are genuine polar bear skin rugs to Johnny and Pi Lee, two notorious Triad brothers, all because Sagittarius “knows a guy who would front them to you” and Sagittarius promises you “it will only take like 5-10 minutes TOPS” to sort everything out.
Now you’re on the run for trying to sell fake polar bear skin rugs. And the guy Sagittarius got the rugs from in the first place…well he still wants his money. All of this drama because you wanted to smoke with crazy Sagittarius. Why?
Most Compatible Strain: Girl Scout Cookies
Most Compatible Piece: Black N Mild
Most Compatible Smoking Partner(s): Aries, Libra, Leo, Aquarius
Celebrity Stoner: Miley Cyrus – November 23, 1992 (age 23)
CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 – JANUARY 20)
My dad is a Capricorn (so is my mom, incidentally). Growing up people would compare him to Bill Cosby, minus all the date-rapey stuff. That’s because Capricorns are somewhat old-fashioned, well-mannered and disciplined–yet also a bit silly. I honestly believe every human over the age of 60 automatically turns into a Capricorn, like some astrological metamorphosis.
Do Capricorns smoke weed? Well statistically I’m sure they do, I’ve just personally never witnessed a Capricorn blazing down nor do I know of anyone who has, as none of my friends or acquaintances are Capricorns. My parents, bless their hearts, are the antithesis of marijuana smokers, so my idea of Capricorns has always been colored by them. Hell the only time I ever broached the subject of smoking weed with my mom she recollected that “it made her feel like she was outta control”. I mean give me a freakin’ break.
Most Compatible Strain: Sour Tsunami
Most Compatible Piece: Apple Bowl
Most Compatible Smoking Partner(s): Taurus, Virgo, Pisces, Scorpio
Celebrity Stoner: *Kim Jong Un – January 8, 1983
*(This is a wild guess, as weed is widely smoked in North Korea!)
Do you agree with our Pot Zodiac? Let us know in the comments section if any of these profiles ring true for you!