I can guarantee you fellow pot smoker, that there will come a time when you will need to smoke in a clutch.
You might find yourself on a road trip or in unfamiliar surroundings without access to your usual medley of bongs, pipes, blunts, papers or dab rigs. Or maybe you shattered your trusty glass pipe or bong on your bathroom floor with a sickening crack and moan, and don’t really have the time to head over to your local headshop to purchase a new one, granted you even have a headshop within your city limits.
Believe me, I know that pain–well. Sometimes I’ve become so urgent I’ve used other items for rolling papers, such as pages from the St. James Bible that props up my TV stand, or that white tissue paper I find in my girlfriend’s maxi pads. But what if you’re down on your luck and you don’t have even that. What do you then, stoner?
Fortunately for you, If you happen to have fruit, candy, toilet paper, a pen or tin foil lying around, your ass might just be in luck. Check below for 5 homemade smoking devices that will be sure to summon your inner Etsy:
They’re messy as fuck, not that utilitarian and reek of white college bros trying to shove whatever they can into their system in gross excess. But you know what? They get the job done and you will be glad you gave it that old college try.
To make a Gravity Bong you’ll need two plastic bottles (preferably not the ones your cheap Russian vodka comes in). Make sure one bottle is substantially larger than the other. The first thing you will do is to cut the bottom of the smaller bottle and cut the top of the bigger bottle. Secondly, fill the lower and larger half of the bottle with about ¾ of water.
This last part is crucial, and which, honestly, I should have mentioned earlier. Make sure you have a slider with a bowl (like the kind you see on bongs) and place it in the smaller bottle top. Use gum, tape, etc. to ensure it’s airtight. After you have placed your weed in your bowl, light the weed and slowly pull the bottle upwards. If done correctly it should fill with smoke. And you should commence to hitting that shit.
If you DO NOT have a bowl with a slider the pen pipe option (below) is to be used as a last resort, OR you can simply line the top of the bottle with layers of tin foil. Most folks use the latter, as most folks don’t have bong stems lying around. However, since tin foil is carcinogenic, proceed with caution.
Pen Pipe (or One-Hitter)
I crafted these with great regularity during my depraved school daze, as they were the perfect little one-hitter when times were tough (rough?).
They’re quite simple to build. Grab a pen with a metal tip, unscrew the metal tip and shove it into the top of the pen (just the tip). Fill it with weed and slowly light.
Unfortunately, you will only be able to use your pen pipe a handful of times, as the heat will surely melt the plastic. If you want your pen to last longer I would suggest constructing a funnel shape out of tin foil and sticking the slender tip into your pen. Not only is your bowl larger, but the heat is further away from the pen, thereby reducing its chances of melting.
Apple Pipe (AKA Apple Bong)
Apple, pear, carrot, pumpkin–it really doesn’t matter. As long as it’s a non-citrus fruit that you can hollow out you’re fine.
And yes, you could theoretically eat your bowl when you’re done smoking, but why the hell would you want to do that you sick bastard?
Candy (Starburst) Pipe
If Willy Wonka were a stoner, which, if you re-watch the 1971 version featuring Gene Wilder you might think he was; smoking a starburst pipe is something he would do with great regularity. That and bathe in rivers of chocolate and chase Oompa Loompa’s around buck naked when he was high as hell off Girl Scout Cookies. But perhaps I’m just assuming.
You can create a Starburst pipe a variety of ways. The easiest method, however, is to stick 9 to 10 Starburst side by side. Grab a toothpick or long skewer and create a uniform hole through the Starbursts. Finally, take two Starburst and place them on top of your row of Bursts, creating a somewhat hollow bowl shape that connects to your airway. Voila! You are now officially a true pothead.
Toilet Paper Tube Pipe (AKA Toilet Paper Shotgun)
This option is neither better or worse than other options on the list, although you will look like a real miscreant when you use it. However, as you can see it’s pretty easy to make. In fact, you could multi-task and construct it when you’re done using the last little bit of it to soak up the grease from your bacon or hot wings, but I’ll leave that up to you.
What you’ll need is a toilet paper tube (pictured above) or paper towel tube. Create a somewhat smallish hole on top. Grab your trusty tin foil and create a bowl that you’ll place into the hole (yes I know this is all very sexual). What you’ve got now is literally a recyclable pipe.
My name is Petey Wheatstraw, also known as Charles Stevens. I’m an avid marijuana smoker, writer, devoted father and non-profit minion– not necessarily in that order. A Chicago native I’ve lived off and on in the Bay Area since 1996. Seven years ago I finally settled here to capture the changing face of our communities.